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Wanted: a more ambitious partner

Recently, on Instagram page Humans of Pregnancy, an Indian man shared his dilemma when faced with a similar issue. He mentioned that despite a good salary package, he is unable to save much as his wife doesn’t work, leaving him as the sole bread-winner of the family. He wonders, therefore, if he made a mistake while choosing a not-so-ambitious wife.

The man titled the post, “I’m financially burdened, I wish my wife was ambitious.’ He said he was a 34-year-old senior software engineer working with PayU in Gurugram and shared how his annual salary of ₹26 lakh, which might seem substantial on paper, leaves him struggling to manage expenses and save for the future.

After deductions, his monthly take-home is about ₹1.75 lakh. According to him, most of it is consumed by rent, bills, school fees, and EMIs, leaving him with only ₹15,000 at the end of each month. “It feels like I’m constantly gasping for air. How am I supposed to save anything with ₹15,000 left?” he said.

The man, who lives with his wife and young daughter in Sector 56, listed his monthly costs: ₹40,000 rent, ₹30,000 for groceries and utilities, ₹16,000 car EMI, ₹20,000 sent to his parents in Ranchi, and nearly ₹50,000 for his daughter’s education, clothing, and other needs.

His frustration, however, is not just with money but also with his wife’s lack of professional ambition. The wife, 30, dropped out of her MBA midway and hasn’t worked since their marriage seven years ago. “Initially, I thought it was fine. I assumed she’d do something eventually, maybe a course or a business from home. But now, six years into parenthood, there’s no plan, no ambition, not even a hobby,” he said.

While he acknowledged that his wife is a good mother and takes care of their daughter, he admitted to feeling resentment when comparing their situation to other dual-income couples. “I look at my bank balance mid-month and wonder if I can even afford a short vacation just to breathe,” he added.

The engineer said he sometimes wishes he had married someone “with drive, someone who wanted more from life than just settling down.” He described the pressure as exhausting: “I’m tired of doing all the heavy lifting—emotionally, financially, mentally. And it’s super tough and tiring.”

Reactions from internet

People on the internet were divided over his situation. Some thought that perhaps the wife was burdened by domestic chores and could not find it in her to join the workforce as well.

“Do you contribute to household chores and taking care of your daughter? Ask her to work only if you do these as well,” read a comment. Someone else aksed why his expenses were so high. “40k rent for a 2BHK ! And 50k for daughter ! You are not poor but it’s simply ‘Lack of management of funds’.”

A person also warned the man of other expenses that will crop up if the wife goes to work. “If your wife starts working please be prepared for this … Day care or nanny expenses. Cook expenses. Other house hold chores additional help expenses like dusting, folding clothes, utensils stacking etc etc. Be prepared for managing each other’s office times and plans…. Forget about vacations as it’s almost difficult to get leaves on same time to go on vacation as family…. Be prepared for sudden childcare holidays as child will get sick and not everytime she will get leaves….. Be ready to help her equally in all child and house related things which maids can’t do….. Emotional baggage is another topic…. List is long…”

Another said he needs to communicate better with his partner, “My point is… For any relationship to work… Communication is very important. I think you should talk to your wife about how you feel. But just so you know… Both parents working is a huge task, and you’ll have to give your all in the house too. If you are ready for that… Go talk to your wife.. Ask her what she wants… Make a plan.”

“Men n women should discuss this clearly before marriage. Sometimes by the time you have ur second child, your parents are retiring and suddenly you see 5 people dependent on that single man. It could be extreme stressful for him, this pressure. But don’t understand why couples don’t discuss such things before getting married or before deciding to have kids,” wrote another person.

What should someone in this situation do then?

The most obvious answer is often the right one. In this case, the man should have an honest discussion with his wife. He should tell her all about their financial situation, and much worse it could get without a concrete plan. Together, they should weigh the pros and cons of her joining workplace. Will it help? Will it make things worse? What can he do to make the transition easier in case she does decide to take on a job somewhere?

A true partnership is built on open communication and flexible roles, taking on fewer or more responsibilities as and when life and situations demand it.

Note for readers: This article reflects the individual’s account and public reactions. It is not professional advice. Readers should seek professional guidance when faced with relationship and mental health issues.