Sweet

Last year, on St. David’s Day (March 1), Prince William made his way to Wrexham. His wife was still missing at this point, no one had seen her for about ten weeks. William’s behavior during this time was bizarre. He was allegedly in Wales to do some Welsh-themed events for the holiday, but his very first stop was at a Wrexham pub where he pulled pints with Rob McElhenney and got a good buzz on. If memory serves, William’s next stop was a primary school. He must have reeked of booze by the time he staggered into that school. Anyway, I bring up that very odd moment because it turns out that William’s old school chum was also in that pub. Humphrey Ker works with Rob and Ryan Reynolds on Welcome to Wrexham, and Ker was there to help facilitate the “day-drinking” event. Well, Ker is something of a jack of all trades – an actor, writer, reality personality, football manager, and royal gossip. Ker spoke to the Telegraph about his school friends, William and Harry, and how William was always the sensible one. Suuure.

His classmate Prince William: When Humphrey Ker was a seven-year-old boy, eager but wet behind the ears at Ludgrove School in Berkshire, his teacher asked the class to write a few sentences about what they would like to be when they grew up. “It was as much to teach us about paragraphs as anything else. But we went round the room reading them out. Some people said fighter pilot, Arsenal striker, this and that, the usual,” Ker recalls. And then came the turn of Ker’s dormitory mate, an immaculately behaved little boy called William. “He said, ‘I want to be a policeman.’ And everyone burst out laughing, because of course he wasn’t going to be a policeman, we all knew everything that was going to happen in his life – he was going to be king.” Poor old Prince William, who still hasn’t made it to Scotland Yard. He and Ker were schoolmates through both Ludgrove and Eton.

In a dorm with William: Boarding school, which Ker loved, started at seven. Chance saw him put in a dorm with the future Prince of Wales at Ludgrove, and the young Ker very much knew who he was. Just as he did William’s younger brother. I’m imagining protection officers under the bunkbeds. “Oh yeah, they were there. Trevor and Graham. ‘Crackers’, was Graham’s nickname. I remember even aged saven I felt for those kids. It was during that period when Diana was front page news every single day. Everybody knew everything going, and it just seemed totally miserable. [William] was always very sweet and sensible. He just knew what his responsibilities were. Harry was much more of a maniac: great fun but much more badly behaved. I’m sure it’s exactly the same dynamic [with George and Louis] now.”

His thoughts on William’s life now: They lost touch at Eton, and then entirely, as William went to St Andrews and Ker to Edinburgh. He’s since met the Prince of Wales and the King when they have come to gladhand at Wrexham. “Again, I just feel so sorry for them. It’s that gilded cage thing. It just looks miserable. I think what Charles would really have been happy doing is running some eco business out of his house in Gloucestershire, just quietly getting on having a nice time with Camilla and the dog.”

On the celebrities he’s met: “I’ve been fortunate enough to rub shoulders with lots of very famous people, and it looks completely miserable. I wouldn’t say they are miserable, but the lives they lead are not for me.”

Ker has lived in California for 12 years but now wants to move back to England: “We’re now quite eager to move back, for a variety of reasons – some of which I don’t want to print, because I’ll get thrown in a detention centre.” He’s half-joking. “Loads of American friends are moving here now. I know about five or six couples who’ve just gone, ‘You know what? We’ve had enough.’”

[From The Telegraph]

I looked up Ker’s age – he’s 43, like William, which makes sense because they were in the same class. It doesn’t even sound like Ker would have had much interaction with Harry, given Harry is two years younger? It feels like another “Sussex tax” – everyone has to say something rude about Harry or Meghan or else. “Harry was a maniac” – he was a neglected child! Jesus. And William has never seemed “sweet.” Or “sensible” for that matter. William certainly didn’t look sensible day-drinking with celebrities on St. David’s Day while his wife was missing and (as we now know) in very poor health.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Cover Images.