Swear

The British media is absolutely dying to use these photos of Prince William playing beach volleyball in Rio. They already tried to just publish them with straight reporting – “prince plays volleyball” – and barely any commentary. Now, as the days pass, the photos are being reused and repurposed. The Daily Mail and other outlets absolutely know that William looked ridiculous and the photos show William’s current state of anti-rizz, but they can’t say that outright. Instead, they’re running faux-fawning pieces about how William “got so hot at 43” (he looks like a hard 55) and how his recent extreme weight loss is due to “cutting down on sugar.” Really? Because it looks… um, like there should be different explanations in the mix. From the Mail:

Adoring female fans couldn’t get enough of Prince William in Brazil this week, as social media was full of praise for the ‘sexy’ royal’s athletic physique following a ‘sweaty’ game of volleyball on Copacabana beach.

Tanned and sporting a trimmed beard, the father-of-three was also notably looking to be in great shape as he whizzed around the sandy terrain to get the ball over the net – proving that being in his forties hasn’t slowed him down one bit. It’s perhaps of no surprise, given the heir to the throne comes from a history of rigorous military training and a myriad of activities, including rowing, swimming and polo. And the legacy of sporty skills all throughout his youth seems to be serving him well to this day.

While not much is known about his current regime, as recently as 2019 British rapper Stormzy revealed that he had bumped into William at his gym.

‘Yeah, I was just walking up the stairs and someone was like, “Stormzy!”,’ he told the Jonathan Ross show. ‘And I was like, “Whoa. What’s going on Prince?” I swear down, I just bumped into him.’

It was at the time reported the gym in question was Chelsea Harbour Club, a luxurious fitness hub with swimming pools, tennis courts, a spa and ‘bespoke’ exercises. Reports claim the joining fee alone is some £1,880.

Elsewhere, the royal opened up about his diet in 2022. During a trip to Cornwall’s Newquay Orchard, he explained he has a healthy start to the day by eating two eggs and wholemeal toast with butter – adding that he enjoyed apple juice and a cup of tea with milk and sugar alongside it. Admitting he was ‘trying to cut down on sugar’, William then revealed that he had had a ‘rubbish’ sandwich for lunch that day, while enjoying fish and mushrooms for dinner. He said he ‘doesn’t drink coffee’ so drinks ‘two or three cups of tea’ a day, as well as enjoying snacks like bananas and chocolate biscuits or brownies. Meanwhile, the royal added he might have a glass of red wine each day.

[From The Daily Mail]

What’s more pitiful, the fact that the media is playing along with this ludicrous fantasy or that Kensington Palace has ordered their press allies to write these pieces? Tom Sykes got the same call, and is now referring to Scooter King as “Hunk William.” Scooter King looks like a greasy piece of toast that fell on the floor and is now covered in dog hair. These volleyball photos are not “hunky” nor are Brazilians swooning for this deeply awkward man. Think about this as well – if Harry had been caught in public looking even one tenth as ridiculous as William, what would the British press have said and done? They write a million f–king stories in which they try to convince everyone that Harry looks unhappy, grumpy and angry every single time he smiles at his wife and grabs her ass in public.

Photos courtesy of Cover Images.