Last weekend, my partner and I got engaged. (Eek! Yay! Champagne bottle emoji!) Getting engaged is something we’ve been talking about doing for a while—yes, I knew it was coming. And I’m glad I did, because it meant I could book a manicure and plan my ‘fit. It also meant I could help choose the ring. We settled on a truly stunning (IMO) vintage emerald and diamond ring from Rock N’ Rose. And when it came to making the purchase, it seemed only natural that we would split the bill.
When I tell people that my partner and I decided to go halves on my engagement ring, it tends to elicit a wide range of responses: a raised, suspicious eyebrow. An “Oh, that’s… interesting.” Maybe even a thinly veiled look of pity.
It’s not that I expect absolutely everyone to go halvsies. Obviously, many women may not want to—and that’s fine! But I’m always a little surprised by these reactions. I had assumed that splitting the cost of the ring was something a lot of us modern women might be doing. It felt fair, feminist; a symbol of our partnership rather than a reminder of some kind of outdated gendered imbalance.
Courtesy of Meg Walters
Courtesy of Meg Walters
After all, things have moved on quite a lot when it comes to equality in male-female romantic relationships in the UK. For one thing, it has become the norm for both men and women to work. Research from ClearScore suggests that most couples are making an effort to contribute equally when it comes to finances: 40% of couples split their bills proportionately to income, while 51% split everything 50/50. Admittedly, there is still a long way to go when it comes to the division of labour, with women reportedly doing 36 hours of household tasks per week, while men do an average of 25. Nevertheless, this is an improvement on the zero hours that (many) men were doing 50 years ago.
However, despite this general push to make heterosexual coupledom more equal, surprisingly few couples make the same decision to go halves when it comes to the engagement ring. According to a 2023 study, 94% of partners who did the proposing paid for the engagement ring in full, and only 2% of couples reportedly decided to split the cost of the ring.
Then again, the more I think about it, these stats kind of check out. My algorithm (which has cottoned on to the fact that I’m getting engaged) is filled with a surprising number of young women who seem to believe pretty fervently that the ring should be something that the man and only the man pays for. And, even more strange, the general line of thinking seems to be: the bigger the ring he can buy, the better the man.
