Partner

I just so happened to be taking my first solo trip at the same time as Tracee Ellis Ross’ new series Solo Traveling hit Roku. And it turned out to be divine timing. 

A weeklong trip to Oaxaca City and Mexico City had been on my vision board for about two years. As an avid traveler, I’ve always loved Mexico. I became obsessed with everything I had heard about the culture, food and art of these two cities and found myself daydreaming about sipping a mezcalrita at a speakeasy and dancing with a belly full of the country’s finest tacos. iIt remained just a dream as I came up with excuses for why I couldn’t go just yet — I needed a decent amount of time off from work, a good chunk of disposable income, a snatched waist, and a great travel partner. The list was getting longer and longer. It wasn’t until I was at my absolute wit’s end and needed a vacation for my mental health’s sake that I realized that I’m my own best travel partner.

This is the thesis of Solo Traveling with Tracee Ellis Ross. Over the course of three episodes, Ross packs viewers in her carry-on as she takes us with her on solo trips to Marrakech, Morocco, Riviera Maya, Mexico and Marbella, Spain. The Girlfriends star is already known for her aspirational life approach, charismatic silliness and all-around majestic aura, but there was something very special about seeing Ross share her solo travel so intimately. Her awkward moments dining alone felt as resonant as the loneliness she’s honest about feeling.

But Ross underscores the curse of constantly waiting for a “perfect time” in your life to do the things you desire:“So much of what solo travel is about for me [is] not waiting for something in order to walk towards my life, in order to be in my life, in order to experience my life,” she said in Episode 1.

As a Black woman solo traveler, there are plenty of factors to take into account. I was heading to a country where I don’t know anyone and don’t speak the language. When I talked about my travel plans with friends and family, they’d tell me to “be careful” because of stories of travelers going missing or racism they experienced abroad. I nearly backed out of my trip until I recognized that if I let others project their fears onto me, I’ll still end up just dreaming about this trip instead of taking it.

So with only mild anxiety and a whole lot of wanderlust, I took a dream vacation by myself. My first stop was Oaxaca City, where I stayed at Grana BNB, a gorgeous former mansion turned bed and breakfast with amazing service in the state’s capital. During my visit, Oaxaca was celebrating La Guelaguetza, an annual festival that emphasizes communal reciprocity. And I truly felt their generosity. Daily performances, museums, parades and a hell of a lot of mezcal and mole (the region’s signature) kept me busy over the course of 4 days. On the third day, I visited Hierve el Agua for a grueling hike that was absolutely worth it to see one of only two petrified waterfalls in the world. 

On Friday, I arrived at my accommodations at Hotel Volga for four days in Mexico City. I splurged a bit, treating myself to a more luxurious stay in the city. Located in the bustling Roma Norte, I ended up walking around the neighborhood a lot. I felt as if I was growing taller the more I explored. Even with it being the rainy season, I felt like this trip’s timing couldn’t have been better. From buying a ticket from a scalper at a Luchadores match to dining solo at the Michelin-starred Pujol, I moved around like the only one granting me permission was me. And that’s something I tend to forget at home as calendar invites and imagined responsibilities take control. 

My trip felt like jazz. Impromptu, soulful, vibrant and exploratory. I did exactly what the hell I wanted for eight days straight and sometimes that was nothing. It was healing. As Black women, we’re constantly checking on others, nurturing our communities and playing maternal roles regardless of if we choose to have children of our own or not. It’s overly draining. 

Ross dropped so many gems in her show. But what stood out to me the most was how much the show uses silence to underscore Ross’ time to herself. I found myself sitting in silence a lot. I often opted for the room’s AC or rainfall over my headphones. I relished in the quiet. But I also found myself a bit anxious because of it until I got used to it. Then I realized those were the same moments that I was going deeper into myself in ways I couldn’t access without travel.

At 33, I’ve had to get real about what my biggest fears actually are. Nowhere on that list is getting lost, hurting myself in another country or getting racist stares. What I fear most is regret that I let anxieties stop me from living the life my heart desires.

“I’m responsible for my own happiness,” Ross said in the show. Black women must remember that for our own sake. We deserve a life full of wonder, rest, joy and vulnerability. And we deserve to know that the world is our oyster regardless of who is or isn’t on life’s journey with us.

Though this was my first international solo trip, it won’t be my last. And with Solo Traveling now renewed for a second season, I hope more of us find the courage to stop waiting for others and see that we’re our own best travel buddy.

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