Heartbreaking

Jenny Marrs shared a heartfelt post on social media on Wednesday (October 1), opening up about dealing with grief and the “deep heartache” she has been feeling in recent weeks.

The HGTV star recently lost her mother-in-law, Donna, the mother of her husband and Fixer to Fabulous co-star, Dave Marrs. Last month, both Jenny and Dave posted tributes, with Jenny writing on Instagram, “[Donna] taught me how to be the kind of mother-in-law and the kind of grandmother who I can’t even begin to imagine this earth without.”

On Wednesday, Jenny returned to Instagram to reveal she hasn’t “slept well the last two weeks,” admitting, “Grief seeps in at night most acutely, once I slow down from the day’s activity.”

“Each day is a disorienting experience – life continues to move forward as I am simply trying to reconcile my deep heartache with the sunshine out the window and the pressing demands on my time,” she added.

However, she has been finding solace in words from her own book, Trust God, Love People, which is scheduled for release on October 7.

“This morning, I was sorting through emails for next week’s book launch and happened across a handful of audio files from the audio book I recorded,” Jenny shared. “I opened this one from the “Lessons from the Farm” chapter and I felt my own words speak life to my heart… Maybe someone else needed them today too.”

In the accompanying audio clip, Jenny says, “Farm life can be both beautiful and brutal. That day was certainly one of the hardest days. While we’ve witnessed hundreds of joy-filled miracles here on this little patch of land, we’ve also experienced deep grief.”

It’s unclear from the clip which death Jenny is speaking about specifically, but the designer has been open in recent months about several devastating losses. Earlier this year, she revealed the passing of her beloved neighbor Bob, and then, four months later, they lost Bob’s wife, Jill.

In July, Jenny and Dave also posted about losing their long-time pet dog, Dolly, who had been in the family for over a decade.

Sharing her friend’s words of advice in the audio clip, Jenny said, “Being His means holding all of it, the miracles and the pain. And still raising our hands and saying, ‘I don’t understand this and I wanted a different ending to this chapter, but I can still trust that you are good… Despite the hard, God is always only good.”